Compulsive Patterns
Understanding repetitive behaviours within a relational context
Beyond Individual Pathology
When compulsive patterns emerge—whether with substances, behaviours, or sexual dynamics—they rarely exist in isolation. These patterns both affect and are affected by relationship dynamics, creating complex systemic interactions that require a sophisticated understanding.
My approach views compulsive behaviours through a relational lens, exploring not just individual patterns but how relationships respond to, adapt around, and sometimes inadvertently maintain these dynamics. This isn’t about assigning blame but understanding the relational system as a whole.
A Relational Framework
This work explores:
Pattern Recognition
- How compulsive behaviours serve relational functions
- The dance between secrecy and discovery
- Attachment dynamics underlying repetitive patterns
- The relationship between intimacy and escape
Systemic Understanding
- How relationships organise around compulsive patterns
- The roles partners unconsciously adopt
- Intergenerational patterns of regulation and dysregulation
- Cultural and family narratives about control and release
Transformation Possibilities
- Moving from crisis management to pattern understanding
- Developing alternative regulatory strategies
- Creating relational safety for vulnerability
- Building capacity for genuine connection
Working with Complexity
Whether addressing substance use, sexual compulsivity, or other repetitive patterns, this work recognizes that behaviors often represent attempts to manage overwhelming internal states. The therapeutic focus extends beyond stopping behaviors to understanding their function within both individual psychology and relationship dynamics.
For high-achieving individuals, this includes examining how performance pressures, success metrics, and professional identity intersect with patterns of self-regulation and escape.
The Couples Dimension
When one partner struggles with compulsive patterns, both partners are affected. This work addresses:
- The discovering partner’s experience and responses
- Trust disruption and potential repair
- Enabling dynamics and codependency patterns
- Creating boundaries that support both partners
Sessions may involve individual work, couples sessions, or both, depending on what serves the therapeutic process and maintains appropriate boundaries.
Professional Approach
This work requires sophisticated handling of shame, secrecy, and systemic dynamics. While maintaining focus on relational patterns, I recognise when specialised addiction treatment might be necessary and can coordinate with other professionals as needed.
The therapeutic stance remains non-judgmental while maintaining clarity about the impact of behaviors on the relationship system.
Begin This Work
If compulsive patterns are affecting your relationship—whether recently discovered or long-standing—I invite you to explore how understanding these dynamics within their relational context might support transformation.