What does relationship counselling involve and how long will it take?
I believe that every couple is unique and there is no “one size fits all” manualised approach. Rather than treating symptoms only to have them return in six months, I seek to get to know you both as individuals and as a couple, focusing on alleviating the underlying causes of your relationship distress.
You can find a detailed description of how we will work together to create a new direction for change on my Process page.
How long are your couple therapy sessions?
Working with me is different. General psychologists who are not specialists in working with couples, often meet with couples for one-hour appointments. A ‘therapeutic hour’ usually means just 50 minutes and in my experience, that is just long enough for many couples to start a fight with no time left to repair the conflict.
Couples can start with a 75-minute session and then continue with bi-weekly 75-minute sessions. I also offer the option of a powerful four-hour mini-intensive introductory first session, including a comprehensive assessment evaluation. We dig deep into the relationship, exploring your vision and how you each aspire to show up in that relationship. We will also look at what is standing in the way of this and what needs to happen to set a clear direction for change.
I also offer the Relational Blueprint programme of intensive couple therapy. This is an entirely bespoke programme of 16 hours of therapy tailored to your needs and circumstances, with 4-6-hour sessions scheduled over 3-4 days.
Do you offer online couple counselling?
I was working online long before the pandemic! I have offered secure and confidential online marriage counselling sessions for many years, helping couples worldwide using Zoom technology. I have delivered online couples therapy to couples throughout the UK and Europe, as well as further afield in Dubai, Tel Aviv, Riyadh, Singapore, Sydney, Melbourne and other cities.
What is the cost of high-impact couples therapy?
You can indeed find cheaper couples therapy, but please consider that you may end up paying lower fees over many more months, often without achieving the change you desperately need! I’m committed to delivering brief, professional and highly effective therapy, helping you quickly achieve your desired breakthrough.
My fee is £375 per hour + 20% VAT. Payment plans and package reductions are available for intensives programmes. Once I receive your initial enquiry, I will be pleased to provide further details.
Do you accept Insurance?
I do not accept insurance or submit documents to insurance companies.
Can I attend relationship therapy without my partner?
It only takes one partner to make a significant difference in the relationship. If you are recently separated or your partner will not or cannot attend therapy, you can still take the first step and reach out for help with individual therapy. I work with individual partners to help develop clarity about their relationship situation and achieve greater relational self-awareness. If your partner is reluctant to proceed, don’t let this stop you from seeking help. Often one partner is more on board than the other, so you may need to start on your own. Working with individual relationship counselling is an integral part of my approach and I strongly encourage you to take the first step.
Do you have experience with same-sex couple counselling?
I have extensive experience working with LGBTQ couples. I embrace and respect sexual and relationship diversity including kink and polyamory. I focus on the relational space between the couple and on treating the whole person regardless of sexual orientation or identity. I invite LGBTQ couples to reach out and contact me.
Do you work with other issues in couple therapy?
Many issues may come up for one or both partners during couples therapy. I’m very comfortable discussing matters related to sex and intimacy and have specialised training in sex therapy. Unresolved trauma is also a frequent visitor in sessions, particularly how the past can show up in the present in the form of substance abuse, compulsive sexual behaviour and eating disorders. If this happens, we would explore whatever comes up, either individually or as a couple. I’ve also tailored my work to the unique challenges of high-profile entrepreneurial couples, family businesses and creative professionals. I also offer pre-marriage counselling.
What if I am ‘on the brink’ of divorce and can’t decide to stay or go?
If one of you is uncertain about whether you want to remain in the marriage or to separate, this is called a ‘mixed agenda’. This can be a difficult place to start couples therapy so I offer an alternative approach for this situation called Discernment Counselling. We would start with a 2-hour session, which will combine a blend of couple and individual time. This process is not about ‘fixing’ your problems but is designed first to help you understand how you got to this point and to then gain clarity and confidence about the decisions you are now faced with together.
What if we have no big problems, but something is missing?
Surprisingly, many couples come to see me and say there’s nothing really wrong…” We’re not fighting or having communication issues. Still, I feel something is missing…I want more sex, better sex, more connection, more fun or more freedom…” or perhaps, “I want us to be better parents…” Whatever may be “missing” can be a great place to start couples therapy. We will identify the strengths and values of the relationship and then build on those values and powerfully connect you to new possibilities.
What if we fight in our couple therapy sessions?
Our work will inevitably trigger intense and challenging feelings, which is a helpful part of the process. But I can assure you that I won’t let you waste your time and money constantly fighting or getting out of control during consultations. I’ll help you focus on what is essential and how to make the sessions productive and helpful. I will also help you manage your conflicts more effectively and avoid the usual toxic dance of blame and shame.
What’s the difference between a “relationship coach” and an accredited couples therapist?
A “relationship coach” or a “life coach” is generally not trained in family therapy and may not have any academic qualifications in psychotherapy. Some do not even have a recognised coaching qualification. Coaches are unlikely to be accredited by regulatory therapy organisations such as BACP.
I’m a fully qualified and accredited couple and family therapist with decades of experience. I have taught family therapy at the postgraduate level and hold two Master’s degrees in systemic family therapy. I also hold many certifications in couples therapy and have trained with some of the icons in the field, including Ellyn Bader, Esther Perel, Harville Hendrix, Terry Real, and Dan Wile. I am fully accredited in the UK and internationally.