What does relationship counselling involve and how long will it take?
I believe that every couple is unique and there is no “one size fits all” manualised approach. Rather than treating symptoms only to have them return in six months, I seek to get to know you both as individuals and as a couple, focusing on alleviating the underlying causes of your relationship distress.
You can find a detailed description of how we will work together to create a new direction for change on my Process page.
How long are your couple therapy sessions?
Working with me is different. General therapists who are not specialists in working with couples often meet with couples for one-hour appointments. A ‘therapeutic hour’ usually means just 50 minutes and in my experience, that is just long enough for many couples to start a fight with no time left to repair the conflict.
We start with an initial 2-hour Relationship Assessment, where we dig deep into the relationship, exploring your vision for the kind of relationship you want to create and how you each aspire to show up in that relationship. We will also look at what is standing in the way of this and what needs to happen to set a clear direction for change.
Once we have charted a course, I will invite you to commit to intensive couple therapy. The format will depend on your personal needs, circumstances and preference for online or in-person sessions. It could involve meeting for a half-day or full-day intensive or we can also meet fortnightly over a period of 90 days.
Do you offer online couple counselling?
I was working online long well before the pandemic! I have offered secure and confidential online marriage counselling sessions for many years, helping couples throughout the world using secure Zoom technology. My online couples therapy is available to couples throughout the UK and also in Melbourne, Sydney and Dubai.
How much does couple therapy cost?
I will provide you with a full schedule of my fees in response to your enquiry. How I can help
Do you accept insurance?
I do not accept insurance or submit documents to insurance companies.
Can I attend relationship therapy without my partner?
It only takes one person to make a significant change in the relationship. If your partner is reluctant to proceed, don’t let this stop you from seeking help. Often one partner is more on board than the other, so it may be necessary for you to make a start on your own. Working with individual relationship counselling can be an integral part of my approach and I strongly encourage you to take the first step.
Do you have experience with same-sex couple counselling?
I have extensive experience working with LGBTQ couples. I embrace and respect sexual and relationship diversity including kink and polyamory. I focus on the relational space between the couple and on treating the whole person regardless of sexual orientation or identity. I invite LGBTQ couples to reach out and contact me.
Do you work with other issues in couple therapy?
Many issues may come up for one or both partners during couples therapy. I’m very comfortable discussing matters related to sex and intimacy and have specialised training in sex therapy. Unresolved trauma is also a frequent visitor in sessions, particularly how the past can show up in the present in the form of substance abuse, compulsive sexual behaviour and eating disorders which may require addiction therapy. If this happens we would explore whatever comes up, either individually or as a couple. I’ve also tailored an element of my work to meet the unique challenges of high-profile entrepreneurial couples, family business and creative professionals. I also offer pre-marriage counselling.
What if I am ‘on the brink’ of divorce and can’t decide to stay or go?
If one of you is uncertain about whether you want to remain in the marriage or to separate, this is called a ‘mixed agenda’. This can be a difficult place to start couples therapy so I offer an alternative approach for this situation called Discernment Counselling. We would start with a 2-hour Intensive, which may combine a blend of couple and individual time. This process is not about ‘fixing’ your problems but is designed to first help you understand how you got to this point and to then gain clarity and confidence about the decisions you are now faced with together.
What if we have no big problems but something is missing?
Surprisingly, many couples come to see me and say there’s nothing really wrong…” we’re not fighting or having communication issues, but I feel there’s something missing…I want more sex, better sex, more connection, more fun or more freedom…” or perhaps, “I want us to be better parents…” Whatever it is that may be “missing” can be a great place to start couples therapy. We will identify the strengths and values of the relationship and then build on those values and powerfully connect you to new possibilities.
What if we fight in our couple therapy sessions?
It’s inevitable that our work will trigger intense and challenging feelings, which is a helpful part of the process. But I can assure you that I won’t let you waste your time and money constantly fighting or getting out of control during consultations. I’ll help you to focus on what is essential and how to make the sessions productive and helpful. I will also help you to manage your conflicts in a more effective way and avoid the usual toxic dance of blame and shame.