Divorce? Should I stay or should I go?
When the relationship is on the brink of collapse and divorce has become a serious option, maybe one partner has left or is thinking about leaving or you cannot decide whether to stay or go, Discernment Counselling offers a powerful alternative to couples therapy.
Divorce will have a significant and permanent impact on you and your family. If you have the slightest doubt, I encourage you to first gain clarity and confidence before you make any final decisions.
Perhaps one of you is trying to save the marriage and start counselling services while the other is thinking of ending it? Do you have one foot in and one foot out and can’t decide to stay or to go? Have you discussed divorce or maybe already seen a lawyer but you’re still not sure if this is the right decision?
If this sounds like your situation, you probably should not pursue traditional couples therapy!
Discernment Counselling is NOT traditional couples therapy
I have created an intensive programme specifically for couples experiencing relationship ambivalence—particularly when one partner is leaning towards separation or divorce whilst the other remains uncertain about the relationship’s future. The evidence shows that traditional couples therapy is rarely effective in these “mixed-agenda” situations and can often create additional problems.
Unlike conventional therapy, the primary goal of the Discernment Programme is to help couples gain clarity and confidence in making informed decisions about the direction of their relationship. The focus is on decision-making rather than initiating change within the relationship itself. Outcomes may include reconciliation, separation, or maintaining the status quo.
The programme is based on Discernment Counselling integrated with other approaches and consists of a high-impact 3-hour session, combining two individual sessions (each 45 minutes) and one couples’ session (90 minutes). Following this session, each partner decides whether they have achieved sufficient clarity or would benefit from an additional discernment session.
This approach does not seek to “fix” the problems in the relationship but rather helps you to discern if the problems can and should be solved. The goal is to seek clarity and confidence around the decision about the future of the marriage based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to the relationship. This approach lets you both slow down, take a deep breath and consider all your options and future possibilities.
Have any of these words been spoken in the relationship?
- “I don’t love you anymore”
- “You’re not the person I married”
- “I’ve been unhappy for a very long time”
- “We should never have gotten married”
- “I’ve met someone else”
If you’re the one wanting the save the marriage, these words are like a knife in your heart. You are in shock and feelings swing between anger and sadness. If you are the person considering leaving, the words sound like a justification for the divorce. However, divorce has significant consequences for both you, your partner and your children, so it’s understandable if you have a few doubts.
If you are the “leaning in” partner, the Discernment Counselling approach will help you learn what changes you can make immediately to increase your chances of saving the marriage. If you are the “leaning out” partner, you will learn all your options and gain clarity about the relationship and your decision to stay or to go.
Testimonial
Thought I would pass on some feedback for you from our sessions this morning. Jane and I found it very productive. Our day has been peaceful and we have been compassionate towards each other. It certainly has turned around the mood in the camp. We look forward to the weeks ahead.
Couple married for 18 years – London, UK: 2020
All the couples who have experienced my Discernment Programme (Based on Discernment Counselling) report having a greater understanding of themselves, their partner, and the relationship. If they choose not to try to work on the marriage, this process can help them prepare for a more amicable and collaborative divorce.
Did you know that divorce rates are much higher for second and third marriages? Whatever you brought into this marriage, you will take into the next. If you don’t want to get stuck in past trauma, this approach can help you gain insight and clarity and help you move forward, either separately or together.
Before you decide to stay or go, gain clarity and confidence with my professional help. Book a complimentary consultation with me to discuss the Discernment Programme.