Clarity for relationship ambivalence
When Partners Are at Different Places
Not all couples enter therapy with aligned intentions. When one partner seeks to preserve the relationship while the other contemplates leaving—or when both experience profound uncertainty about the future—traditional couples therapy often proves counterproductive.
Discernment Counselling provides a structured alternative designed explicitly for this relationship ambivalence, focusing on gaining clarity about direction rather than attempting premature solutions.
A Different Framework
This approach recognises that mixed-agenda couples require a distinct therapeutic framework:
Structure: A focused 3-hour programme combining individual sessions (45 minutes each) with couples work (90 minutes)
Purpose: Developing clarity and confidence about relationship direction, not initiating change
Outcomes: Three pathways emerge through this work:
- Committing to intensive therapeutic work with renewed purpose
- Moving toward separation with mutual understanding
- Maintaining the current situation with greater awareness
Discernment Counselling differs from traditional couples therapy
What This Process Provides
Rather than attempting to “fix” relationship problems while fundamental questions remain unresolved, discernment work helps couples:
- Understand the patterns that brought them to this crossroads
- Explore what genuine repair would require from each partner
- Consider the long-term implications of each possible path
- Make decisions from clarity rather than crisis
For the partner seeking to preserve the relationship, this process clarifies what changes might increase viability. For the partner considering leaving, it provides a framework for understanding all options and their implications.
Testimonial
Thought I would pass on some feedback for you from our sessions this morning. Jane and I found it very productive. Our day has been peaceful and we have been compassionate towards each other. It certainly has turned around the mood in the camp. We look forward to the weeks ahead.
Couple married for 18 years – London, UK: 2020
Professional Framework
Having guided numerous couples through relationship ambivalence, I understand that this uncertainty itself creates distinct challenges. This work requires sophisticated handling of different agendas while maintaining therapeutic neutrality and supporting both partners’ autonomous decision-making.
The process often helps couples either commit to genuine therapeutic work with aligned intentions or move toward separation with greater dignity and collaboration—particularly important when children are involved.
Begin Your Journey
If your relationship exists in this space of ambivalence—where the path forward remains unclear—I invite you to explore whether Discernment Counselling might provide the clarity you’re seeking.